The Experience of the Average Churchman
You get an email from your elder with a polite reminder that “every idle word” will be required an account and that “maybe you should tone down your online rhetoric”…because the older ladies do see those posts (which surprises you, because you know the elders agree with your sentiments). Or perhaps a lady hears through the grapevine that a mom in the church is offended about an offhand comment about homeschooling preferences. Another man in the church is frequently inebriated, but people tend to talk about him, not to him. The women similarly all gawk at so-and-so’s daughter’s wardrobe selection. A man takes issue with a sermon illustration and sulks in growing bitterness at the lack of sensitivity to this obvious blunder in the pulpit, all the while receiving silently the communion elements from the selfsame preacher.
Gossip and slander destroy Christian community faster than most things, and so often the root cause is not mere busybodiness or envy (though they frequently accompany) but rather a lack of willingness to simply communicate with a fellow believer. Put another way, Christians in the modern church have grievously failed to obey Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18, from top to bottom. Further, many elders have become vicars of offense, tasked with communicating the frustrations of others, rather than directing the congregants to this passage. How much pain and misunderstanding could be avoided if Christian’s regained the nerve to employ biblical confrontation?
Biblical Authority
Matthew 18 contains a variety of teaching but is frequently cited (and rightly so) in matters of Christian conflict resolution and reconciliation or church discipline. While this is certainly a proper exposition, it is often framed as mere principle as opposed to imperative and as such the church broadly speaking has lost the ability to properly execute and rightly apply this text.
The above-mentioned scenarios all demonstrate a lack of zeal to obey Matt. 18 and its life-giving principles. Christians are called to wield biblical authority with the community of faith to seek out proper modes of communication, confrontation, and reconciliation. Our failure to do so has created an environment that tends to tolerate many sins, while sinfully rebuking non-sin through unbiblical methodology. We must learn again to obey Matthew 18.
At face value, Matthew 18 requires Christians to rightly discern what sin is, and then upon discerning, what actions to take in pursuing restoration with a brother. This requires Christians to actually consider whether a grievance or perceived sin is worthy of confrontation. If one does not have ample evidence, or merely ample confidence to approach the individual, we can infer from Christ’s teaching that likely in that case we should let it go and let our love simply cover that perceived sin. Sadly, this is not the case in many churches. Bitterness and resentment have found homes in the hearts of many. It is imperative we regain our lost ability to speak as Christians.
Individual (v. 15)
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
Matthew 18:15
Every believer wields the same word of God, is indwelt by the same Holy Spirit, and is rightly able and encouraged to admonish and exhort, and yes even rebuke his fellow man. This is demonstrated by Christ’s command that private reconciliation be the prescribed norm. This is in many churches either completely absent or circumvented by poor accountability and example from leadership.
Martin Luther in his desire to confront perceived sin and address personal grievances did so through direct communication, by proper channels of authority and practice (posting to the church door) and appealed to scripture as his authority– all after pursuing these topics in private study and communications. Contrary to what may be inferred, Matt. 18 is not permission to nitpick, slander, or otherwise have an overly critical spirit towards a brother, but rather a proper means by which to pursue truth and repentance for real sin.
John Chrsostom in a Homily on Matthew 18:15 helpfully points out,
“For he [Christ] did not say, ‘accuse him,’ but ‘reprove him’—not anywhere, but ‘between thee and him alone.’ Thus, you see how he seeks not the shame of the sinner, but his amendment; for nothing is more apt to heal than this method.”
The churchman is to be pursuing the healing, restoration and fellowship of his brother, indeed, when repentance or understanding that there was no genuine sin is achieved, thou hast gained thy brother. Practically speaking, if you believe a brother to be in sin, you should love him enough to say something. If we can warn sinners of their need of the gospel, how much more confident should we be in calling a brother to sanctification. This is especially important if the perceived trespass is due to something spoken (or perhaps posted online). Is it possible you misunderstood their point or intent? Have you taken the time to assume the best possible motive or meaning prior to allowing yourself to be offended? Have you filtered the statement or action through your understanding of this individual’s character? Have you sought to esteem others more righteous than yourself?
We as shepherds should be modeling and teaching this sentiment. All too often this critical skill and imperative is ignored, and people skip straight to verse 16…although frequently vicariously.
Communal (v. 16)
But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
Matthew 18:16
If you have actually acted like a Christian and spoken with the person you believe to be in sin, or to have sinned against you, and if (critically) your suspicions are confirmed and met with unrepentance– then at this point it is appropriate to gather the biblical requirement of two or more witnesses. The idea is, “if he won’t hear me, maybe he will listen to me and a couple brothers, or me and the pastors.” Again, the purpose of additional witnesses is not to build a posse to decimate, but rather to have a biblically sufficient testimony in the pursuit of calling this brother to repentance.
In many churches, people skip straight to the court of opinions of others (creating potential gossip/slander) or merely complain to the pastor rather than speaking to the individual themself. Pastors should always turn people toward their fellow believer when these instances occur to encourage obedience to Matthew 18…but unfortunately many shepherds perpetuate ungodly non-confrontation and compound sin.
The communal authority and weight of peer testimony is a vital part of Christian fellowship and biblical living that we must reemphasize in our generation. If we fail in this area, true church discipline cannot be executed.
Congregational & Catholic (v. 17)
And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Matthew 18:17
The church corporate (in local body) and ultimately catholic (as in universal) by means of fellowship and communion holds the final authority to release (expel) an unrepentant member. Note that the final court of appeals, while obviously shaped and led by the elders, is not the clergy alone, but the whole church. This means that according to Christ, any discipline worthy of excommunication must needs be communicated to and ultimately adjudicated by the body of believers. This is where testimony from the 2 or 3 (oftentimes elders) comes in.
Church discipline deserves its own focus, but the grievance I hope to address in this article, is the silent ways in which Matt. 18 is violated, gossip proliferated, and the way in which many churches hold kangaroo courts resulting in the driving away of church members without proper protocol. This seems to be an epidemic in the church today.
Non-Disciplinary Discipline
It is important to note that in my own personal experience, pastoral experience, and in receiving the testimony of others throughout my area and beyond, that Matthew 18 is largely circumvented in matters of congregational reconciliation. As stated above, in many instances, pastors have become vicars of offense charged with embodying other’s offenses even if they themselves do not find offense in a given moment. Christians do indeed sin, and often do so in their communication, but we also must recognize what RC Sproul affectionately dubbed, “the tyranny of the weaker brother.” Namely, that some offenses need to be shepherded and instructed, rather than vindicated and confirmed. Fear of man has captured many clergy in our nation, particularly when an offended party is a prominent member, or long-time tither. This is a sin of partiality, and cowardice.
Tone Police
Many pastors fail to boldly speak as the Bible does, and as such, when members do so, these same pastors find themselves in an awkward position of receiving complaints about biblically justifiable positions and statements. While we certainly should have compassion and grace towards the weaker brother and the humility to self-examine for genuine sin, far too frequently these instances result in tone policing (I agree with what you are saying, just not how you said it). This circumvents actual church discipline and denies the opportunity for true repentance if needed. Instead, it promotes compromise and no one ends up being discipled.
The tongue must be guarded, and idle words avoided, but we have allowed the sentiments of church ladies and effeminate men to shape the acceptable dialogue in our churches, rather than disciple them into maturity.
Church Ladies of Both Sexes
Simply put, the tyranny of church ladies of both sexes (read: busybodies who should focus on their own households) is rampant. 1 Tim. 5:13, 2 Thess. 3:11 KJV – And withal they learn to be idle, – Bible Gateway
I believe this failure to redirect the complaints of congregants to Matthew 18:15 is a result largely of disordered households and egalitarian ideology that has overwhelmed the church in the west. That deserves its own attention, but suffice to say, if we as men cannot properly execute this command in our own homes, with our own wives and children, how can we expect to succeed in the community of the church? As pastors, we must have our households in order, lest we disqualify ourselves.
As such, we need to boldly demonstrate the importance of this command of Christ, exhibit biblical masculinity, and not bow to the idols of passivity, non-confrontation, and winsomeness. We must imitate Christ who is both gentle and tender as well as bold and direct. Fear not the church ladies for you become like that which you fear and reverence.
The Way Forward
Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Matthew 18:18
There is a time for proper discipline. This too is sorely lacking in much of the church today. Particular Baptist minister and writer of the Baptist Catechism, Benjamin Keach writes in The Glory of a True Church,
“It is the duty of the church to keep herself pure; and therefore, if any member walks disorderly, and after due admonition will not repent, the church must proceed according to Christ’s rule in Matthew 18, first by private reproof, then by one or two more, and finally, if unrepentant, by public censure and exclusion.”
The excommunication of church members ought to be a true penalty respected by the church catholic. (Misunderstanding Church Discipline – TruthScript) Jesus in verse 18 employs the church with its rightly ordained tool, namely the keys of the kingdom. Whilst the civil magistrate bears the sword, and the household the rod, the church wields the keys, not as an effectual administration (deeming the spirit of a man to be or not to be truly regenerate) but in a liturgical fashion as a true means of teaching repentance and protecting the flock. John Owen puts it the following way-
“The power of the keys committed unto the church is to bind and loose—that is, to declare the terms of communion, to receive into fellowship, and to cast out according to the rule of Christ. This authority is ministerial, not lordly, exercised in obedience to Christ’s command in Matthew 18:18.” (The True Nature of a Gospel Church)
As we seek to purge our besetting sins demonstrating poor Christian fellowship, a lack of honest and biblical confrontation skills, and a failure of nerve by the pastoral class as a whole, this serves to caution against overcorrection, and to heed James’ admonition to charity, slow speaking, and keen listening, restraining our (righteous) anger. As the lord Jesus reminds us, the right pursuit of biblical confrontation and reconciliation is intended to “gain a brother.” May we be men who are willing to seek the restoration of our brothers, and the proper application of Matthew 18 in our churches.
Amen, amen, so let it be.